Cold Is a Relative Thing

               COLD IS A RELATIVE THING

                     65 above zero:
      Floridians turn on the heat
        People in Alaska plant gardens.

                   60 above zero:
     Californians shiver uncontrollably
         People in Alaska sunbathe.

                  50 above zero:

     Italian & English cars won't start.
         People in Alaska drive with the windows down..

                 40 above zero:
     People in Georgia don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats.
          People in Alaska throw on a long sleeve shirt.

                 35 above zero:
     New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
          People in Alaska have the last cookout before it gets cold.

                 20 above Zero
     People in Miami all die.
         People in Alaska close the windows at night.

                      Zero:
     Californians fly away to Mexico .
          People in Alaska get out their winter coats.

               10 below zero:
     Hollywood disintegrates.
           The Girl Scouts in Alaska are selling cookies door to door.

               20 below zero:
     Washington DC runs out of hot air.
         People in Alaska let the dogs sleep indoors.

               30 below zero:
      Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
          People in Alaska get upset because they can't start the Snow-mobile.

               40 below zero:
     ALL atomic motion stops .
         People in Alaska start saying,"It's getting a little chilly out"

               50 below zero:
    Hell freezes over.
         Alaska public schools will open 2 hours late

How Cold Was It?

                    How Cold Was It? It Was So Cold....

 - kids were using a new excuse to stay up late: "But Mom,
           my pajamas haven't thawed out yet!"

 - when kids go outside to play, they can only go as far
       as the extension cord will allow.

 - if you pee'd your pants, you'd either have to have them

       chiseled off or be stuck in them until the spring thaw.

 - groping in crowds was considered acceptable as long as
        you were wearing big woolly mittens.

 - we had to carry around hammers and chisels so we could
       get out of our parkas.

 - Levi Strauss started manufacturing electric jeans.

 - perps wouldn't take off their mitts when they were arrested....

       their fingerprint charts were just big mitten smudges.

 - the optician was giving away free ice scrapers with
       every new pair of eyeglasses.

 - the Statue of Liberty was seen sticking that torch
        under her robe.

 - you need the wallpaper steamer to get undressed.

 - "blanket suffocation" is now the number one cause of
        fatalities.

 - Playboy magazine stopped publishing because no women
        would take their clothes off.

 - the computer store was selling giant keyboards so
        people could type with mittens.

 - "hot pants" started selling again.... until people
         figured out they weren't.

 - kids had to stay inside all week.... parents are now
       organizing a "teacher appreciation day."

 - anyone with a body temperature near 104°F was in danger
       of being hauled out of their sickbed and used as a heater.

 - firefighters couldn't convince people to get out of
        their houses when they caught fire.

 - we had to chop up the piano for firewood.... but we
        only got two chords.

 - we didn't clean the house, we just defrosted it.

 - the lights would only go on in the house when someone
        opened the door.

 - I tried to take the garbage out, but it didn't want to go.

 - we pulled everything out of the freezer and huddled
       inside it to warm up.

 - when I turned on the shower, I got hail.

 - I chipped a tooth on my soup!

The Famous SnowZilla

Hi folks,
Here is the famous Snowzilla that got a lot of publicity over the
Christmas Holidays. It was built by the guy who owns the lot next to
his house. The folks who run Fur Rondy want to try to re-create
SnowZilla as a Rondy exhibit!
hugs all around,

Mary

Howdy from minus 10 degrees F!